Just a thought..

As I sit here listening to my most recent iTunes purchases (Santigold and Michael Franti) and watching the Yankees play, it might seem as though my senses are too stimulated to string together a thought. And while it is true that my focus may be slightly deterred every few seconds, I haven't posted in a while and I had an opportunity for some in/tro/spec/tion today that I feel is worthy of reflection.

I love getting caught in the rain. It's the most seredipitous, therapeutic experience if it catches you at the right time. After parking my car in the Washington Street lot this afternoon, I walked two blocks to the tea lounge amidst big rain drops and some thunder, and loved every second. When you're by yourself, holding up traffic, taking steps in deep puddles, it's hard not to enjoy it. Couples seeking foggy, intimate shelter in the front seat, businessmen under neat umbrellas, and the wayfaring public hiding under awnings. I waited in the lobby for my friends, and took it all in, damp and content.

Over lemongrass tea and banana cookies, I then proceeded to pick up bits and pieces of my friends' lives, where we left them last August. Never once did the gap change us, in the end. We've all had our doubts, and we've all risen above. I think the past year has helped us grow up, each in our own ways. But being with them altered my mood quite significantly; from what had been a sour morning, to a delightful barefoot afternoon. Our red cushions and porcelain tea pots as a unifying paradox of consistency despite change.

What I'm trying to say, more or less, is that it doesn't seem to take much for me these days. Not too much to provoke a thought or sheer happiness, and, while my entries in the Gratitude Journal prove this point more and more with each entry, I usually don't give it a second thought. I relish in the fact that I can revel in something so simple and it can change my outlook, no matter how temporary.

Listening to The Outfield with the windows down, being loved so passionately that my eyes tear, mash-ups, ridiculous games on the porch, and playing in the waterfalls.

The week ends, the week begins

What are you creating today?

I have created laughter, connections, and satisfaction.

While it hasn't yet been created, I've recently begun construction on a bridge for the voids I have created. 'Void' sounds like such a tangible word, but I have heard and felt my voids (and plentiful, they are) more recently than I have seen them. Remarks, distance, absence. You can hear them, you can feel them, but you can't always see them. So how do you bridge these gaps? Reach. I, for one, am not the poster child of emotional initiative but I feel as though this is one aspect of our lives that is never too far gone. Reconnecting and reestablishing something that once was, or possibly never was, present is a daunting task; a task for which we are all adequately equipped when the time is upon us. While it would traverse the hypocritical boundaries for me to console, consider this my advice column directed towards a sole audience member: myself.

Make the effort; the phone call, the visit, the letter, the thought. Stop thinking and start doing; good acts mean nothing unless they are implemented. Play the humility card. Let your guard down. Open up enough to let the light out, and channel the resentment elsewhere.

I've created a to-do list for my day off tomorrow, a playlist for my best friend, and a bucket list in my head.

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[kree-eyt] verb

to evolve from one's own thought or imagination, as a work of art or an invention.

I can see that his brake lights are on

Justifying putting effort into something that most people will never read is my first order of business for the evening. I think it will do me some good to sort out my many thoughts, some of them relevant, some of them not so much.

Close your eyes, and go to San Francisco, on 9th and Irving. From what I hear, you'll feel more alive. Thanks to this establishment, I have very thought provoking questions in my hands each day, which I typically mull over in my mind on a car ride to nowhere.

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What are you relishing today?

Today, I'm relishing in the fact that I have a job. I have two jobs, actually. I've been putting off finding a third, mostly out of fear of the unknown. I've noticed that about myself quite a bit lately. I like knowing what I'm getting myself into, and when you're going somewhere you've never been before, how do you know the next step? What is contrary to this entire mindset is the fact that the last several times I have subjected myself to the uncertain, I have gotten positive results. One would think this would make me more apt to put myself forward, but that is hardly the case. I need to work on that.

I'm relishing in the bond I have with my sisters, because it is so, so precious, and there is nothing like it. I'm learning so much about them lately that I never knew. I have been so absent.

Summer is my favorite season, and I need to relish the fact that I am almost amidst it. Despite how much I hate my whereabouts, there is no snow.

There is opportunity on the horizon.

On a slightly less intellectual note: I think I'm starting to comprehend the majority of the recipes at work, and I've met so many new faces. I love this song I just downloaded. My birthday is in a month, and there is an Ithaca countdown in my head. I get to make some money tonight. Bills aren't due. Every day brings me one step closer to getting out of this country and shedding my American skin. Dave Matthews Band managed to create yet another masterpiece.

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The More I See, The Less I Know.